I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
