I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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