I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
