i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
