All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
