If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
