whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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