Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think your dad took our porno
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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