I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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