ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
