Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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