twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
