It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
