I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize