she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
