my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
