$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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