3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize