A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
