Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
