And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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