just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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