I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
