dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
