She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize