Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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