Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize