I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
