Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
