'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
