so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
