so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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