Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
