I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
