at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
