I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
