I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
