I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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