Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
