It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
