He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
