i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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