Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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