Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize