Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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