now i know why i became what i already was.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
