This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
