At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
