So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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