tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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