Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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