I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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