Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
