you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
