i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
