I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
