I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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