Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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