Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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