On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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