she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
