I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
