I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
