i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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