Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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