apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
