is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Randomize
