I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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